Rotten Chicken

Diner: I can’t eat such a rotten chicken.
Call the manager!
Waiter: It’s no use. He won’t eat it either.

Not My Dog!

1st Man sitting with dog.
2nd Man:Your dog bits?
1st Man:No
2nd Man sits and the dog bits!
Man2 angrily, you said he does not bit!
Man:That is not my dog.

Intelligence

Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear?

Student: u can call him whatever you want sir,
because he cannot hear anything.

$100,000,000

Teacher: Johny, if your father earned $100,000,000
and gave half of it to your mother.
what would she have got?

Little Johny: A heart a attack!

WAIT A SECOND

Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.

Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.

Wife: OK give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second

Two Devils

Two devils came in my dream.
They said,
“We want 2 disturb some good person.”
I suggest them your name.
They said,
“We cannot disturb our boss.”

LET THE BOSS SPEAK FIRST

Once, Boss, Officer & Clerk going 4 a meeting.
They saw a Jin.
Jin said: As i fulfill 3 wishes at a time
But u r 3 persons so i will fulfill 1 wish for each.

Clerk said: Send me to America with a lot of money clerk disappears. (wish fulfilled)
Officer said: Send me to Paris with a lot of beautiful girls. officer disappears. (wish fulfilled)
Jin said to Boss: what is your wish?
He said: “I want these two idiots back at office after lunch.”
Moral: Always Let the BOSS SPEAK First

What Happens

What happens when a lion roars thrice?
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Think
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Any guess?
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Ok i will tell you..
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Tom & Jerry cartoon begins!

Positive Thinking

A baby mosquito came back after its 1st fight.

Dad asked: “how did u feel?”

It replied: “Dad it was wonderful. everyone was clapping for me”

Moral: Take everything positively

Poor Son In Law

Once an old man was waiting for a train, sitting on a bench.
A young boy came to him and asked the time.
Old man refused to tell the time.
Boy insisted again & again but old man denied again & again.
Boy asked the reason?
Old man said if i tell you the time,
then you will ask about me,my name,job etc.
Then i will ask about you,both of us will be frank.
By chance you may get the seat with me.
Then you may get down at my station.
My daughter will come to receive me.
She will meet you. She is beautiful.
You may fall in love with her,she too.
Then she may insist to marry u, even may threaten me.
And i am sorry that
I don't want such a poor son in law
who hasn’t his own watch to see the time.

Spell Crocodile

TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell “crocodile”?

JOHNY: “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”

TEACHER: No, that’s wrong

JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how to i spell it!

Calorie-burning

Proper weight control cannot be attained by dieting alone; however, many people who are engaged in sedentary occupations do not realize that calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require much (or any) physical exercise.

Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.

Beating around the bush . . . . . . . . .75
Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . . 100
Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . . 150
Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50
Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25
Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . . 250
Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500
Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50
Bending over backwards . . . . . . . . .75
Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350
Climbing the ladder of success . . . . 650

Easy English

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's govt conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Bob and the magic wish

Once-upon-a-time, there was a very big fish, named Bob. Bob was the largest fish in the pond, but he wanted to be even bigger. Day and night, he would obsess about it.

One day, he was out catching flies for dinner. He managed to catch a really humongous fly that was about the size of a golf ball. Before he could swallow it though, the big fly begged and pleaded for his life. The Fly promised Bob a magic wish if he would spare his life.

Bob was a little suspicious at first. He was also very hesitant about giving up the largest fly he had seen since the nuclear power plant had moved in. Bob thought about it for a while, but the more he thought about, the more he wanted that magic wish. He was hungry, but more than anything else on this planet, he wanted to be huge.Finally he decided to take the magic wish. The fly looked at him and said "Name your wish fish!".

"I want to be huge, really, really huge. I want to be bigger than any fish that ever lived." Bob said to the fly.

"That's really stupid" the fly said to him.

Bob looked at the fly and said "Hey, are you gonna give me the wish or not?"

"I sure am." the fly said, and with that Bob started to grow. He grew and grew and grew until he was so large that he couldn't fit in the pond anymore. Bob flailed and gasped for water, but he was beached, and after a while he died.

The people fishing in their boats, the people standing on the banks of the pond, and the people who had stopped their cars on the highway, all stared in awe and wonder at this big stupid fish that was stuck on the side of the pond.

The mayor called a town meeting to decide what to do with the big fish, but members of a nearby cult came by later and claimed that the big fish had been promised to them by God. After some negotiations, a large fish barbecue was arranged, and everybody had a wonderful time, except Bob, who was of course eaten.

The King And His Princess

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic -- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his
wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the
third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?

They were M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. (What were you thinking?)

Every Cat's Diary

Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture.
I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.

Pak Studies Question Paper in 2015

Question 01: Describe the mechanism of load shedding and blood shedding in Pak?

Question 02: How does sugar taste? Explain in your own words.

Question 03: What is Roti? Briefly explain relation between Shahbaz Shareef and roti?

Question 04: Draw labeled diagram of a suicide jacket? Also describe its function?

Question 05: What is PETROL used for? Support your answer with examples.

Question 06: Which part of Pakistan is yet not sold to USA?

Question 07: Differentiate between Atta And Fata?