When A Cat Stutters

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says. A little boy raises his hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered," he volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the boy to describe the incident.

"Well," he began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

"That must have been scary," said the teacher.

"It sure was!" said the boy. "My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "F*ck", the Rottweiler ate him!"

Every Cat's Diary

Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture.
I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.