Four Psychiatrists

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.

Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."

welcome To The Psychiatric Hot-line

Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hot-line. Please listen to our menu carefully, as our options may have changed.

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

* If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4,5 and 6.

* If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want, so please stay on the line so we can trace the call.

* If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

* If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

* If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

* If you are phobic, don't press anything.

* If you are anal-retentive, please hold.