Some diet tips that actually work. Enjoy feeling better about yourself.
1. If no one sees you eat it - it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar they cancel each other out.
3. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes never counts such as: hot chocolate, brandy, toast and cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you - then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods don't count because they are simply part of the entire entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel; such as Milk Duds, popcorn with extra butter, and Junior Mints.
Showing posts with label Diet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Diet. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Diet Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms up!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans... another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms up!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans... another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
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