An Officer And A Wiseguy

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

Speeding

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?" The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "You don't have one?" The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?" "I'm sorry, I can't do that." The policeman says, "Why not?" "I stole this car." The officer says, "Stole it?" The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner." At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?" "She's in the trunk if you want to see" replied the man.
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?" asked the man. "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner" replied the officer. "Murdered the owner?" asked the man in disbelief.
The officer insists, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car?" The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but empty space. The officer says, "Is this your car sir?" The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers. The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you the liar 'll say I was speeding, too!"

10 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Say To A Police Officer

If you're ever pulled over for speeding (or any other reason really), you probably shouldn't say any of the following to the officer standing at your window...

01) I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.

02) Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

03) Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, so long as one of us does.

04) Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

05) I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

06) Hey pal, I pay your salary!

07) Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

08) Hey, you must have been doing' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

09) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

10) When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

We Only Found Two Bombs

3 policemen found 3 time bombs. On their way to the police station. One policeman asked "What if one bomb explodes?"
The other policeman calmly said "It doesn't matter. We will say, we only found two."