Computer Jokes

* There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

* What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman?
The used-car salesman KNOWS when he's lying.

* "Knock, knock.Who's there?"
very long pause...
"Java."

* A system administrator has 2 problems:
- dumb users
- smart users

* How do two programmers make money?
- One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses

* Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.

* I'm not anti-social. I'm just not user friendly.

* If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

* I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

A Talking Frog And A Computer Programmer

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion. Please!!!" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "Will you kiss me and turn me back into a princess???" Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess. And I will be your loving companion. The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

ARE YOU IN !

I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes.

However, I must share the following:

After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type "R," "U," "N" and press return to see the program execute. A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, "I did what you said and it didn't work." Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype "R," "U," "N" and press return. A few seconds later, the lady's hand goes up again. "It still doesn't work," she said.

So... I went back to see what the problem was ... only to find that instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN !