Hilarious One Liners!

* If we have nothing to lose by change, relax.

* You never run out of things that can go wrong.

* If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

* If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.

* If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.

* When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

* A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.

* Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry.

* When all else fails, follow instructions.

* Justice always prevails . . . three times out of seven.

* No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming back.

* Don't force it, get a larger hammer.

* It's always the wrong time of the month.

* If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

* What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.

* Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.

* Science is Truth. Don't be misled by fact.

* If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

* Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will.

* Never say "oops" in the operating room.

* The longer ahead you plan a special event, and the more special it is, the more likely it is to go wrong.

* Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it any more.

* The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.

* Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.

* Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.

* Less is more.

* The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

* The idea is to die young as late as possible.

* No man is lonely while eating spaghetti.

* If rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer. ("What this country needs are some stronger white rats.")

* There is a solution to every problem; the only difficulty is finding it.

* The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

* If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

* I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.

* When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

* Even paranoids have enemies.

* You can't fall off the floor.

* In any program, any error which can creep in will eventually do so.

* The solution to a problem changes the problem.

* If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

* Evil is live spelled backwards.

* You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool MOM.

* If it works, don't fix it.

* Any line, however short, is still too long.

* Allies come and go; enemies accumulate.

* If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

* If it happens, it must be possible.

* Beauty may be only skin deep, but ugliness goes right to the core.

* If you can't beat them, have them join you.

* If it is green or it wiggles -- it is Biology.

* If it stinks -- it is Chemistry.

* If it doesn't work -- it is Physics.

* People are always available for work in the past tense.