Cops Say

* "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on this ticket, huh?"

* "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that 'll be chasing you."

* "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a dog or cat?"

* "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

* "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

* "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

* "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

* "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

* "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

* "Now exactly how big were those 'Just two beers' you had?"

* "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

* "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Paulk is a personal friend of yours. You know someone who can post your bail."

* "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.