Thinking Deep!

* Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.

* It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

* It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

* If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

* Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

* Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (it hates that).

* Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* A closed mouth gathers no feet

* An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

* There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.

* It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

* Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.

* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad at you but when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.

* If they arrest the Energizer bunny would they charge it with battery?

* Everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some of us are out of film.

* Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

* How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges?

* If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while your ahead"?

* If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, where does baby oil come from?

* What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?

* What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

* What do little birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?

* Is there another word for synonym?

* If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

* If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

* If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

* What was the best thing before sliced bread?

* How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

* When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

* What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?

* Why do banks charge a "Non Sufficient Funds Fee" on money they already know you don't have?

* Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?

* Why do scientist call it "re"search when they are looking for something new?

* How come abbreviated is such a long word?

* Why is the alphabet in that order?

* What hair color do they put on the drivers license of bald men?

* Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

* why does sour cream have an expiry date?

* A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be in the cell next to you saying,"Damn, that was fun!"

* If nobody is perfect, and I'm a nobody, am I perfect?

* A nuclear war can ruin your whole day

* Make love not war. Unless you want to do both. If so - get married.

* How do you call a wife who knows where her husband lies down every night? - A widow!

* I never knew the meaning of true happiness until I got married, but then it was too late.

* A sign in a psychiatrist's clinic says: "Madness is expensive - We accept Credit Cards".

* The more I know people - the more I like my dog.

* Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder.

* Anyone who thinks he is too small to make a difference has never been in bed with a mosquito.

* If moths are attracted to bright lights, how come they sleep during the day?

* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

* Can a teacher give a homeless man homework?

* If 7-11(pharmacy) is open 24/7 then why do they have locks on their doors?